Friday, October 3, 2008

Forgiveness (Random Thought)


Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting


© Lisa Goycochea

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

SCAMMED on Craigslist

Just when I thought things were looking up, My life throws me a curve ball.

Finally I can add SCAMMED to my life's lessons.

I tried to get rid of a few things for my move into my new place, since most of it wouldn't fit anyway and I really didn't want to take all my "old baggage" with me. I posted my bedroom set on, after 4 days of posting; I received an email from a guy out of state that was interested in buying.

We exchanged emails a couple times, about payment and pickup, he said that was fine he was going to send payment and arrange for someone to pickup the furniture. A week later, I received a UPS envelope with a check for $3000. I started wondering why he would send me a check for so much, anyway before I touched it, I emailed him to find out the reason for the over-payment, he said the bank cut the check and did it wrong, so all I had to do was: deposit or cash the check and when it clears to send the excess portion ($2000) to the shipper who is in cape coral, fl. in order for them to pick it up.

I deposited the check; it took the bank 10 days to clear it. After the funds were available, I notified the buyer so he can get the info to his shipper. He asked me to send it by money gram to Kevin in Cape Coral, FL. I did that and sent him the reference info so he can get with his shipper.

2 days later he (buyer) sent me an email asking me if I can send him the money back because, the person he was purchasing the furniture for got in a terrible car accident and he would need the money to help pay for the hospital bill and that he contacted the shipper to stop the pickup and return the money to him.. at this point I started feeling weird (like this WAS a scam) so I started collecting email correspondence that was exchanged between us, I copied the money gram receipt and I had already kept a copy of the check. JUST IN CASE.

I spoke to a couple people about my gut feeling and they all shared my though about the whole thing being a scam, but there was not much I could have done then, because I had already sent off the excess money to the shipper.

Got paid yesterday, called the bank because I tried to get gas this morning and couldn't, so now I'm worried abit because I got paid last night by direct deposit, and haven't really spent anything. Got to work called the bank they said I have a zero balance, and that the check for the $3000 was returned unpaid, so now they took my money that I just worked my ass all week for and I still owe them ($2,114) basically the money that I sent by money gram to this asshole, I have to replace.

So not only will none of my bills be paid, I have no money until I get paid in the next two weeks plus I still have to repay the bank, because they said there is really nothing they can do because the check was in my name, I was the one who deposited it and not someone else and that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.

Like Hell I am, they cleared the check so on my part, I'm thinking ---- the bank cleared the check so why should I be held responsible.

I stopped my direct deposit for the next pay period so I can at least be able to pay some of my bills at the beginning of next month. I keep telling myself I am not going to cry, just have to stop being so trusting in people, BUT AGAIN THIS TOO SHALL PASS JUST LIKE EVERY OUNCE OF DARKNESS THAT HAS SHADOWED MY LIFE THIS YEAR.

Now I have to go fight with the fraud department on my lunch break

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Power of Prayer

Haven't been on in a while, haven't had a minute to write anything since I've been busy, trying to start life over on my own. But this week has been the week straight from of hell. but things are looking up, its really really hard right now, going at it with the lawyers, taking days off to go to court, running around trying to find a new place, because I gave myself a deadline to move (end of august) and i'm sticking to it. Decided it was time to get out of my house and (start my own life) not with something we built for a family that's broken, but something I can build on my own and still be happy.

My whole week was bad but Thursday tipped the scales causing me to have an anxiety attack at work, normally I don't let things get to me AT ALL but the devil was really jabbing at me, finally broke in, and I CAVED as expected.

While trying to look at apartments with the only time I really get to do it (after work). All day the temperature was maybe -5 degrees to a heat stroke, then out of nowhere, no clouds, no warning the sky opened up and it just started pouring down, as if I was supposed to just give up.

Didn't like the town homes I saw, the second one I guess because it was raining the other person didn't show up for the viewing despite me sitting in the parking lot for at least 30 minutes in the rain, got frustrated and decided I had to get going.

By then the rain eased up and the most amazing rainbow came out and I kept watching it as I drive (don't ever try that by the way), thinking how amazing and beautiful the little things can be, and for a moment I completely forgot about everything (my ex, my overpriced lawyers and their jargon, house hunting, packing, work) just everything that happened earlier that 'cause me to flip out, and for that moment I felt – calm for some reason.

As I drove off, I was thinking and saying to myself (I know you are there and I know I don't always look up, its hard to give into faith and just trust when I've been disappointed so many times, but I know you are there watching and guiding regardless)

Headed out on US1 the rain subsided, slowly I drove home, no stereo to interrupt just lost in thought, by then it was 6.30 my phone rang, a realtor (john, who lives in MO) called me after I left him a message 2 days ago, he said the one I was interested in was already sold but he has connections with other realtors in my area and will give then a call and call me back in 2 minutes.

He called me back in 5minutes with the number to another realtor and said he gave her my info and I should give her a call, I thanked him and hung up, thinking I'll call in the morning because it's already late in the evening

Before I could hang up the phone with john, I got a call from Kathy saying john gave her my info and if I wanted to come by and view the place I can because she will be there another 30 minutes….. Now I'm thinking??? I'm puzzled!! it was still daylight but its late (no one shows apartments at that hour of the day) it took me a good 30 minutes to get there because I got lost and it was raining again. By then it was 7pm

When I got there and saw the place- my mouth fell open, I could believe what I was looking at for the price she was telling me.

we looked at a few more, she said I have to pay an application fee to run my credit so I can qualify and start the process, told her I would be back the next day with the money, thanked her profusely because she made my evening seem brighter. I went home showered, (I ran out of boxes so I couldn't pack anything, bored out of my mind because anna was with her dad, so with not much I can do) I crawled into bed and prayed like I never prayed before.

I prayed for me
I prayed for her
I prayed for everyone near & far
I prayed for enemies that became friends
I prayed for friends who revel in becoming & staying enemies
I prayed for everyone that has tried to hold me down
I prayed for everyone that seems to standing in my way
I prayed for the ones that smile with me & stabs me in the back
I prayed for enlightenment
I prayed for "him" he who hath made my heart crumble
- even though I was hurt, I never want to see him stumble or falter
And lastly I asked for guidance, peace of mind and understanding.

After all that praying (I think I went to bed 5 lbs lighter)
Got up Friday took the scenic route to work, found out I had no money to do the application because of a few other things with my lawyer. so I would have to wait till next week when I got paid, I was a little sad but didn't let it get me down (if its meant to be it will be) my heart felt little lighter, I was off to a very good start, plus its Friday, everyone noticed I was little bit chirpier, which is a big thing, because everyone can tell when something is up with me, because I always put on a smile no matter what.

Anyway, was talking to a friend of mine, said he will loan me the money for the application even though I didn't ask for it, which I thought was really sweet but still declined because of pride. He was persistent about it, made a few good points about what's more important, right now. So of course I took the offer.

I was ESTATIC, I COULDNT WAIT TILL LUNCH to go start the application, I got there took another look at MINE AND MY DAUGHTERS future community.. it was just as beautiful as the first time i saw it, then worry started to set in, "THE WHAT IF?......"

Left thinking what if I don't get it, what if they don't accept my offer, what if my credit is not good enough then I'll loose my fee and then I'm back to square one.
I don't want to get my hopes up and then be sad again about something I never had.
Got back to work, could barely sit still in my chair – waiting for the realtor to call me.

At 2pm the realtor called me and said I GOT THE PLACE. I could barely breathe (alil dramatic I know, but after roadblock after roadblock all week, THIS WAS MY SILVER LINING). Now deciding when to move in is another thing because I still have to pack, which is minor… since I decided I'm selling everything in my house so I wont have to worry about carrying huge furniture with me, plus if I got rid of everything, I would be starting with a clean palette which is what I am looking for.

Within 30 minutes of my first call, another realtor called me saying the townhouse I was interested in came through: THEY ACCEPTED MY OFFER and its mine if I want it, I just have to sign the papers and fax it back to her ASAP

OH MY GOODNESS: again in AWE, yesterday, I wanted to curl up and just forget the world because of my search and everything in between and today I have 2 beautiful places that I loved, wanted, got and don't know which one to choose from.

Decisions, Decisions, I had everyone in my office helping me with my pros & cons & my "CAN I AFFORD IT" spreadsheet, everyone laughs at it, but I think it's a very realistic spreadsheet.

So I decided to go take another peek into the place and decide from there. I did and of course I saw things clearer more so than when I first walked in without any options, so I made my decision. And will be moving in end of august… Great community has all the amenities I was looking for considering my daughter. It has more space for shoes than I can ever fill and to top it off its 10 minutes from my job, now thats what I call a blessing.

MORAL TO MY DRAMA is: there is nothing a little prayer cant fix, when life circumstances forces you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Message in a bottle

There goes my message in a bottle
I’ve sent it out to sea
Hoping no one finds it
And release what’s left of me
Trying so hard not to remember
All the sweet things I did seek
Thought I found something special
Something worthwhile
Even precious enough to keep
Silently I watch the tide
Take everything I thought I had
Taunting my watchful eye
Pulling it further and further
Dragging it out to deep
So much I locked away in this bottle
Now it’s being swept away
Popping up and down with a wobble
Finally it disappeared from sight
My message filled with emotion
Lost forever
Out on this merciless ocean

Thursday, June 26, 2008


Today i woke up fighting through tears to breathe
even throughout the day, i catch myself drying off in the rain
drying my eyes pushing through the anxiety
stretching my strangled smile, ignoring the pain
seems lately I've been letting my path slowly consume me
feeling overwhelmed for what has...
angry at what is....
impatient at what should be...
and scared for what could be...
forgetting to breathe has become so easy
so for a change,

Today.......... I didnt pray for my journey to be easy,
but for strength and resilience to endure this difficult one

Sunday, June 8, 2008


Demanding more
But gave so little
So afraid, not to be heard
But never care to listen
So many words
But when it came my time
Nothing from your lips
Did my eager ears find
Tried to make you see
Angles from where I stand
Opening a window to my soul
Begging for you to understand
But through my eyes
Nothing that was meaningful
You ever cared to see
Only the snares and sarcasm at the end
Which was just a little something
You, yourself taught me

Phanton Zone

Last night as I lay
Lifeless on my bed
Sole thoughts of you
Posses my head
Finally fell asleep
I think I dreamt a bit
Because suddenly
My darkened room
Is now fully lit
Quickly I looked around
To see if you were there
That's when I realize
I must be in a dream
For what once was
No longer lays here.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I Don’t Feel Bad

I walked away from your door
I was angry I was sad  
I wish my heart was breaking
But it doesn’t lie
My eyes are open
And I choose not to cry
You are not the one I thought you were
So it’s much easy if we say goodbye



The End



© Lisa Goycochea

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Eye of the beholder

A heart so rare, so sweet
That’s you
Perfect and beautiful
In everything that you do

I owe you so much
You just don’t understand
You have given so much
To this tattered heart in hand

My heart pounds rapidly
As I think of you and smile
Your aura blinds me
As you’re silhouette fills my mind

Your love has left me speechless
Not many words to describe
What it is that I’m feeling
Has got me burning up inside

I can’t help it when I hover
Always hugging & kissing on you
The love you’ve given me
Makes it so easy to un-dotingly
Give it back to you

You mean so much to me
Hopefully with time you’ll see
My heart is pure and true
And all the love I have to give
I Only want to give it to you

Saturday, April 5, 2008

When Darkness Falls

Don’t know why it’s so hard
Feels like these lines
Just empty letters pushed together
Nothing taken seriously
Or attempt to hear me out
Nothing makes it better
 Looking on in sadness
Waiting for this darkness to end

© Lisa Goycochea

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Chapter 30 - Still Unwritten

Today should have been
What most get to call a happy day
Dinner, some dancing
Maybe a corny anniversary card or two
Pity all I got this year was pent-up anger towards you

Though it’s hard to get past my rage
Today is the day I’m turning the page
On to a new chapter in my life
Only as a mother, not as your wife
For us time has stood still
Hours seem like days
Days seem like weeks
Weeks turning into months
Some days nothing seems to matter
So unattached but mostly scattered

An unwritten chapter …
Where shall I start?
I feel like I’m new at this
The “living my own life” part
Not sure what to expect
But today I’ll try
Putting one foot in front of the next

Trying to be strong
But so much can go wrong
Living life on purpose
Living like I’m sure
Waking up like I mean it
Trying not to end up
Again behind this door

A hint of hesitation
A lot racing through my mind
Not sure what to look for
So afraid of what I’ll find
Everything’s moving fast
Maybe I need more time to think this through
Afraid to face the world
Afraid to start anew
Pulse racing
Heart pounding
Chocked up by uncertainty
Slowly giving up
Sinking back in my shadow
For one more day in my sorrow’s I’ll wallow
And who knows………
Maybe I’ll try this “New Chapter” again tomorrow!