When Darkness Falls

 

Don’t know why it’s so hard

Feels like these lines

Just empty letters pushed together

Nothing taken seriously

Or attempt to hear me out

Nothing makes it better

 Looking on in sadness

Waiting for this darkness to end

© Lisa Goycochea

Chapter 30 - Still Unwritten

Today should have been
What most get to call a happy day
Dinner, some dancing
Maybe a corny anniversary card or two
Pity all I got this year was pent-up anger towards you

Though it’s hard to get past my rage
Today is the day I’m turning the page
On to a new chapter in my life
Only as a mother, not as your wife
For us time has stood still
Hours seem like days
Days seem like weeks
Weeks turning into months
Some days nothing seems to matter
So unattached but mostly scattered

An unwritten chapter …
Where shall I start?
I feel like I’m new at this
The “living my own life” part
Tired
Scared
Not sure what to expect
But today I’ll try
Putting one foot in front of the next

Trying to be strong
But so much can go wrong
Living life on purpose
Living like I’m sure
Waking up like I mean it
Trying not to end up
Again behind this door

A hint of hesitation
A lot racing through my mind
Not sure what to look for
So afraid of what I’ll find
Everything’s moving fast
Maybe I need more time to think this through
Afraid to face the world
Afraid to start anew
Pulse racing
Heart pounding
Chocked up by uncertainty
Slowly giving up
Sinking back in my shadow
For one more day in my sorrow’s I’ll wallow
And who knows………
Maybe I’ll try this “New Chapter” again tomorrow!

Frayed (Random Thought)

 

Battered and beaten

Black  and blue

Busted and defeated

By this world I thought I knew

 

© Lis Goycochea

Is it you

 

 

I'm looking for someone to share my heart with

Is it you

The one who I can run to

Could that be you

Someone who can make me smile

Holds my hands and chase away the pain

Is it you 

Tell  me it’ll be alright when things don’t look so bright

Is it you

Are you the one for me ?

 

 

 

 

 © Lisa Goycochea

Imprisoned in her mind

 

Crouched into a ball

Both hands covering her head
Rocking back
Rocking forward
Rocking back
Can’t seem to make it stop
Trying to escape
What seems to be
her own self destruction
All around sounds of laughter
Sometimes crazy banters
Screaming,
The yelling
White coats
Always in a hurry
with nowhere to go
Dated white cups
filled with sweet control
Bright lights

Tight straps

Screaming …

Please make them stop

All that yelling

& no one seem to mind

Writing on the wall

Mumbling to herself

You can’t hurt me

I’m already dead

You can’t break me

If I’m already shattered

Re-living the torment in my head

Wiping her eyes

Still writing on the wall

Silently she prayed

Please make it all fade away

 

 © Lisa Goycochea

Betrayed

More pain, more lies
this time I’m sure, we’ve said our goodbyes

You cried, you pleaded
you said it was only I that you needed..

No more fights or lonely nights
You said this time you’ll make it right

You said this was your wakeup call, or so I thought
now this time red-handed, your deception l caught

Thoughts of me hurting only a year ago
of those times only truth I wanted to know

Now I have proof, I’ve seen for myself
I’m staring at the cruel hand to me you’ve just dealt

My pain, my heartache, and those lonely nights I cried
all those times for truth I asked, but still to me you lied

Penitent, regretful, so SORRY you say
no more apart of those childish games
with you I’ll play

I’m hurt, broken in spirit and in frame
But to you alone I cast no blame

You are …what I have accepted
Your lies and deceit I have excused,
but never rejected

So today for strength I’ll pray
and hope that God hears me
and send a mended heart this way.

KARMA

Why are things so messed up
What made you not love me the way you should
How can you keep hurting me and pretend its ok
Why do you keep ending up this way
Is it that you don’t care
or because you know that I’ll still be here
Your rock to climb under, when things aren’t going your way
But forgotten when the nights turn to day

Do you think of me, when you’re alone
Do you mean those words you say to me daily on the phone
Is it us you truly want or just the idea of having someone at home
While on someone else your heart and mind roam

You say you love me, but it sounds empty
Days you've shown me you don't care
lately have been plenty
Just tired of the drama, tired of the lies
smiling in my face and stabbing me in the same place
I dont confront you, so you think I don't see

But what you do to ME
Will come back around
to you and that bitch ten fold

"The Conception"

Dedicated to My Arianna

THEY QUESTIONED, THEY TESTED
THEY POKED, THEY PROD
I STARTED GROWIN WEARY, YOUR DADDY GOT SAD
I QUESTIONED MYSELF AND ASKED THE LORD "WHY"?
I'VE DONE EVERYTHING YOU'VE ASKED OF ME,
SO BLESS ME WITH THIS CHILD!
EACH DAY I LAY IN BED AND WONDER,
EACH DAY I GREW IMPATIENT AND DEPRESSED,
THE DR. SAID IF THIS IS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
YOU HAVE TO GET SOME REST.

I PRAYED AGAIN, THIS TIME FOR FORGIVENESS
FOR BEING IMPATIENT AS I WAS BEING PUT TO THE TEST,
GOD SAW MY WEARINESS AND DECIDED IT WAS TIME,
I WAS GIVEN A GIFT AND THIS GIFT, WAS ALL MINE
I NERVOUSLY WAITED AS 1 BLUE LINE BECAME 2,
SO YOU SEE ARIANNA, I WAS BLESSED WITH A MIRACLE
THAT MIRACLE WAS YOU.


LOVE ALWAYS
MOM

Happy Anniversary Hon

I don’t know what to say
Therefore I don’t know what to do
So I decided to write a poem especially for you
This bond we have is so strong
because I know with you is where I belong
Our love will last forever no mater what we go through
Babe, I’ll get straight to the point and say ~ “Hunny I love you”

You know the saying, “True love is hard to find
Well probably the people looking are like totally blind

Babe, since the day you came along like an angel from the skies
You opened my eyes to a whole new world, you made me realize

That all the times I’ve been getting hurt, God was already making a plan
He knew exactly when this day would come, that you were to be my Husband

I thank God for you everyday, I couldn’t have asked for more
You are the love of my life; you are that and so much more

No matter what we go through, no matter where we fall we’re here
for each other to over look them all So many times I’ve tried
but words could never explain how much fear I had inside
through life’s unexpected pains

For the burdens and the trials that made it hard to care,
to the heartache and the smiles that showed me a love like ours was rare

So from here until forever, with all the problems big and small
In my heart we’ll stay together “Cuz, I’ll love you through it all


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