Chapter 30 - Still Unwritten

Today should have been
What most get to call a happy day
Dinner, some dancing
Maybe a corny anniversary card or two
Pity all I got this year was pent-up anger towards you

Though it’s hard to get past my rage
Today is the day I’m turning the page
On to a new chapter in my life
Only as a mother, not as your wife
For us time has stood still
Hours seem like days
Days seem like weeks
Weeks turning into months
Some days nothing seems to matter
So unattached but mostly scattered

An unwritten chapter …
Where shall I start?
I feel like I’m new at this
The “living my own life” part
Tired
Scared
Not sure what to expect
But today I’ll try
Putting one foot in front of the next

Trying to be strong
But so much can go wrong
Living life on purpose
Living like I’m sure
Waking up like I mean it
Trying not to end up
Again behind this door

A hint of hesitation
A lot racing through my mind
Not sure what to look for
So afraid of what I’ll find
Everything’s moving fast
Maybe I need more time to think this through
Afraid to face the world
Afraid to start anew
Pulse racing
Heart pounding
Chocked up by uncertainty
Slowly giving up
Sinking back in my shadow
For one more day in my sorrow’s I’ll wallow
And who knows………
Maybe I’ll try this “New Chapter” again tomorrow!